Self-Injury

SELF-INJURY PART 3: FOR THOSE DECIDING TO HELP

June 20, 2005

What can you do to help someone dealing with self-injury

The decision to stop "Cutting" is not an easy one to make for the person that has fallen dependent upon it. Yet in order for them to be successful, the decision needs to come from the person that struggles with it. The individual has to own the personal decision in order for change to start taking place. There is hope and a new way of living but the individual has to declare his/her own right to walk in freedom.

As this decision is made, it is beneficial for the individual to set him/herself up to win. It will be a good idea to establish new boundaries and set guidelines to help the young person when they face temptations that will want to lead them to old behavior.

The Bible tells us in Ephesians 4 to "put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires" and to "be made new in the attitude of your minds." It is up to us to make a personal decision to leave the old habits behind and start practicing new ones. We are responsible to renew our minds, according to Romans 12:2. We must put aside the old nature and start living in our new nature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

In Him there is hope, life, and a new beginning. Therefore, it is vital to prepare our mind for action through His Word, but we also need to practice new habits. For this reason, the following proposed checklist has been put together to help such individuals prepare for the journey towards freedom. The person seeking freedom from cutting can ask themselves the following statements and use them as guidelines to ensure that a plan has been put in place. The better the plan of action is, the better equipped the person will be to face and stand up against the storms of life.

Review the following questions and use it to help you or the person struggling to put something together that would work best for them. It is a means to give you an idea of what a plan should look like and perhaps spark personal creativity to adjust your plan according to your specific needs.

Start by taking some time to seriously think about what you want to achieve. Go before the Lord in prayer and ask him to search your heart. Psalms 139:23 says "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." There are many unanswered questions that tend to drive us to confusion and hopelessness. But, the truth is, we have Christ, the hope of glory to help us through these difficult times.

As you seek the Lord through prayer, ask him to help you see what the future would look like for you if you overcame this habit. How would you feel about yourself if you didn't act out anymore? How would you see yourself differently? What would be the benefits of you walking in your freedom? Pay attention to what God's Word says about you and all the questions you ask Him (review the scripture sheet provided). God desires for you to live a life of purpose, joy, fulfillment and peace. Things will not always be perfect, but you can rely on God to give you His strength and face any storm in life. If you choose to believe this, then you are ready to formulate a plan.

A plan is established when you want to improve or change something about yourself because you choose to believe there is something better to obtain. So, ask yourself, "What plan do I have in place for myself?" "If I am going to overcome this, what needs to change in my life?" "What things do I need to do?", "Who do I want to bring into my support system to help me through this?", "How will I be strengthening my inner-man in order to be able to control my emotions?" Next, write it out on a piece of paper and point out specifics, avoiding general statements, such as, "When I'm tempted, I will call someone". Your plan will be more successful and strategic if you were to say, "When I'm tempted, I will call Lisa at the following telephone numbers." Use the following questions to help secure a solid plan.

Securing a Plan of Action

• Have I made a personal decision to stop hurting myself?
• Have I chosen to surrender my desires to "cut" to the Lord and allow Him to help me through this process?
• Have I told at least two other people that I am going to stop hurting myself and have asked them to hold me accountable? (I will consider them my accountability group.) Have I discussed with my accountability group what I need and expect from them as I walk through this journey? Are they aware of what they need to do, say, act, or hold me accountable to whenever I am being tempted?
• Have I established how many times I will meet or "check in" with my support system (accountability partner[s]) during my journey?
• Have I made a decision to confess and not hide my temptations and/or sins from God and my accountability group? (James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed")
• When being tempted, have I decided to seek out help beforehand while I still have spiritual strength and not wait until it's too late when I am weak?
• Clean House: Have I collected all my "cutting" objects and disposed of them myself or given them to my accountability support system?
• Have I built or started working on building a solid emotional support system of friends, family, and/or professionals that I can use if I feel like hurting myself?
• Do I have at least two people in my life that I can call or visit if I ever want to hurt myself? Do I have their home or cell phone numbers handy?
• Have I put together a list of at least ten things I can do to wait out the wave of temptation instead of hurting myself?
• Do I have a list of places to go if I need to have to leave my house in order to not hurt myself?
• Have I thought of not putting myself in situations that will cause me to be tempted to cut? If so, what are my boundaries?
• Am I committed to being honest and open about my feelings with my accountability group and not withhold the truth from them?
• As an exercise to work on expressing my feelings, will I journal (e.g. twice a week) how and what I "felt" that particular day and then identify if that "feeling" helped me stay strong in my walk or if it tempted me to hurt myself? Will I practice sharing my "feelings" with my support system?
• Am I willing to feel uncomfortable, frustrated, and angry but approach it with God's word and accept His Truth? (See "Who I Am In Christ" Scripture list.)
• Have I made a decision to not "quit" but to persevere no matter how tough it may get because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me?
• Have I committed to not call myself "bad" names or "label" myself with negative thoughts, especially when I make mistakes? Instead, I will confess, declare, and accept the truth of God over me through His Word. (Use scripture sheet.)
• Do I commit to declare and accept my FREEDOM in Christ, no matter how long it takes me to walk in it? Will I make a decision to be patient with myself, as Christ is patient with me?
• Will I devote some time to take care of myself, enjoy walks, practice favorite hobbies, listen to music, read spiritual books, journal, etc. as I need it to relax?
• Have I accept the fact that I am not perfect, but my faith is being perfected through Christ?
• Have I committed to daily put effort in acknowledging God as my supreme help for the day through prayer, bible reading, meditation and memorization of scripture, worship or devotional readings?

In Conclusion

For those of you that know of a loved one that is struggling or that you suspect is struggling with "cutting," first of all, thank you for taking the time to try to understand what this is all about. I know it can be confusing as well as frightening when one does not fully comprehend this behavior. But keep in mind that this behavior is nothing new. It has only been kept more silently because of the guilt and shame it carries.

Therefore, if someone comes to you, it is important that you do not overreact to their confession in a way that will intensify their assumptions of being "rejected." They are people deeply hurting that may not know how to deal with their life problems.

Be a listener, as that is what they need the most at first. Yes, hearing how someone hurts themselves in this manner can be shocking and disturbing to you, but do not let your personal emotions make them feel "less than" for not knowing what else to do. Try to keep seeing the person in pain behind the injuries. The most precious thing you can offer them is a real extension of Christ's love in the midst of their struggle. Let them know you do not see them as "weird" or "abnormal", but rather as a real person with real hurting emotions. Let your friend know you understand that self-injury has become a means to help him/her cope with their internal pain. He/She is not "bad" or "mad" for doing it. They just simply need assurance that things can get better and that there are other means in which they can deal with life problems without hurting themselves.

You could invite them to talk about their feelings by using some of the questions noted above to help them think through the process and understand why they "cut." Is it anger? Are they depressed? Do they feel no one cares about them? Do they feel they are "bad" people? Where is God? At first, they may not have many answers to your questions because they've never thought about it. Be encouraged, progress is taking place if they are opening up to you and if you are listening to them. They are opening a doorway to their heart.

Be very careful to walk with care and sensitivity, and, mostly, walk in the love of Christ. If you feel comfortable and if the situation is proper and you are allowed to do follow up, then you may consider letting them know that you are willing to listen some more and invite them to youth group, church, prayer gatherings, etc., and you can talk some more afterwards. Help them through the process as much as you can. And, be willing to discuss with the young person a referral to a Christian professional if you feel more help is needed in the support system. Explain that you are not giving up on them and/or "passing them on" to someone else. Rather, you want to help them with establishing and building a solid support system to join you in the effort of securing their freedom from cutting.

Keep in mind that walking through this journey may be a "process" for some and not an overnight recovery, necessarily. We do not limit Christ's power to such, but if Christ chooses to take them through a process instead, then we are to be there for them to be his extension of love and patience. Help them stay strong and never give up as God never gives up on us. Pray with them, encourage them, praise them, support them, speak life into them, for he already took our sorrow, pain, and punishment to the cross and he has set us "free." Above all and through it all, let them see Christ in you, the hope of glory!

Who Am I in Christ Scriptures

• I am born again...through the living and enduring word of God (1 Peter 1:23)
• I am a child of God (John 1:12)
• I am saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9)
• I am loved by God and he gave his one and only Son for me (John 3:16)
• I am a new creation in Christ; the old has gone and the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
• I have peace with God (Romans 5:1)
• The Holy Spirit lives in me (1 Corinthians 3:16)
• I have access to God's wisdom (James 1:5)
• I am helped by God (Hebrews 4:16)
• I am reconciled to God (Romans 5:11)
• I am not condemned by God (Romans 8:1)
• I am justified (Romans 5:1)
• I have Christ's righteousness (Romans 5:19; 2 Corinthians 5:21)
• I am Christ's ambassador (2 Corinthians 5:20)
• I am completely forgiven (Colossians 1:14)
• I am tenderly loved by God (Jeremiah 31:3)
• I am the sweet fragrance of Christ to God (2 Corinthians 2:15)
• I am a temple in which God dwells (1 Corinthians 3:16)
• I am blameless and beyond reproach (Colossians 1:22)
• I am the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13)
• I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14)
• I am a branch on Christ's vine (John 15:1,5)
• I am Christ's friend (John 15:5)
• I am chosen by Christ to bear fruit (John 15:16)
• I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing his inheritance with him (Romans 8:17)
• I am united to the Lord, one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17)
• I am a member of Christ's body (1 Corinthians 12:27)
• I am a saint (Ephesians 1:1)
• I am hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3)
• I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12)
• I am a child of the light (1 Thessalonians 5:5)
• I am holy, and I share in God's heavenly calling (Hebrews 3:1)
• I am sanctified (Hebrews 2:11)
• I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (1 Peter 2:5)
• I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession and created to sing his praises (1 Peter 2:9-10)
• I am firmly rooted and built up in Christ (Colossians 2:7)
• I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)
• I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16)
• I may approach God with boldness, freedom, and confidence (Ephesians 3:12)
• I have been rescued from Satan's domain and transferred into the kingdom of Christ (Colossians 1:13)
• I have been made complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10)
• I have been given a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7)
• I have been given great and precious promises by God (2 Peter 1:4)
• My needs are met by God (Philippians 4:19)
• I am a prince (princess) in God's kingdom (John 1:12; 1 Timothy 6:15)
• I have been bought with a price, and I belong to God (1 Corinthians 6:19,20)
• I have been adopted as God's child (Ephesians 1:5)
• I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 2:18)
• I am assured that all things are working together for good (Romans 8:28)
• I am free from any condemning charges against me (Romans 8:31f)
• I cannot be separated from the love of God (Romans 8:35f)
• I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Corinthians 1:21,22)
• I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected (Philippians 1:6)
• I am a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20)
• I am a personal witness of Christ's (Acts 1:8)
• I am God's coworker (2 Corinthians 6:1, 1 Corinthians 3:9)
• I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Ephesians 2:6)
• I am God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
• I can do all things through Christ, who gives me the strength I need (Philippians 4:13)

References/Bibliography

• www.self-injury.org
• www.palace.net
• www.users.zetnet.co.uk
• "Mirror, Mirror" by Colleen Thompson (1996)
• "The Final Freedom" by Doug Weiss (1998)
• "Hypnosis With Self-Cutters" article by Malon and Berardi (1987)

* You are welcome to republish this article once you include the following text and link at the end of the article:

Read youth culture news, youth ministry articles, and join the fight for America's young people at www.battlecry.com.

BACK TO REACHING OUT