Communicating Values to Your Kids

“I didn’t raise you like that!” an exasperated parent says after finding out his kid got drunk for the first time. “How could you do this?” a parent wails, when finding out that her child has had homosexual contact, or has had sex, or is pregnant. My question for the parent is, “How did you raise your child?” Or did the media raise your child? Who is having more effect on your kids, you or the culture? It’s easy to believe that you do, but you must not take it for granted. You must be proactive about how you communicate your values to your kids, and do it in a clear way that engages them. After all, the culture is very proactive and aggressive in the way it communicates its values!

What are your core values? 

Identifying your list of core values requires that you and your spouse think through the question, What kind of kids do we want to raise? If nothing else, what are the four or five characteristics that you would like to roll off the tongue when people think of your family?

Practically Identifying and Using Your Core Values

Katie and I created our list when our kids were very young. We came up with many qualities, or values, and realized the list was too long.  We then decided to narrow it down to four core values and selected Scriptures to best represent who we wanted to be as a family.

“We care about our family name,” I said as we unveiled these values to our kids, “and we care about all of us going in the same direction together. It’s important. A good name is hard to find; it’s more valuable that silver or gold.  So tonight, we’re talking about what will make us a strong family.  Mom and I have made a list of what we want to stand for as a family. So, we want to show you our four core values . . .” And with a grand swoosh, we unveiled a piece of parchment paper titled “The Luce Family Covenant.”  It listed each core value and their definitions: honor, respect, honesty and responsibility. All of us signed the parchment and agreed to abide by these values.

You too need to clearly communicate core values to your kids, and that everyone is responsible to not just practice them but to confront anyone who digresses.  As parents, we cannot be so arrogant as to never admit when we are wrong. Teach your children to respectfully confront you if they see you violate the core value. It’s very important for us to do everything we can to live the values ourselves––not just in front of our kids, but all the time. This becomes the foundation for family trust and confidence. It’s who you are.

Core values are the strongest, and have been internalized when the children talk about them and confront each other about living them, even when you are not there. You know that your children have adopted the values as their own when you hear them say to each other things like, “That is not very honorable” or “We don’t watch that kind of stuff.”

Your family core values ought to answer “why” to every rule you have and every action you take. Instead of saying, “Just do as I say,” tell your children why––because what you are asking your children to do or not do is base on one of their core values that has been taken straight from the Word of God.

It’s Our Job

If you want a fighting chance of instilling moral fiber in your young people, it is going to take some thought. They will not accidentally pick it up without a word from you. So instead of your kids being a blank chalkboard for the world to write its values on, fill them with truth and help them buy into the values from the Bible that will give them the best chance for a great life. Please note: Just because your kids say they believe in Jesus, and they go to church, does not automatically mean they have assumed all the values and lifestyle of the Bible. It is our job as parents (not the job of the pastor or youth pastor) to compel our kids to see the virtue of our core values and help them adopt them as their own.

This article was adapted from Ron’s book, Re-Create: Building a Culture in Our Homes That Is Stronger Than the Culture Deceiving Our Kids. Look for it at your nearest bookstore, or visit www.battlecry.com for more information.

Ron Luce is the president and founder of Teen Mania Ministries, a Christian organization reaching millions of young people worldwide. He passionately declares the Gospel through Acquire the Fire TV broadcasts, youth events, camps and media resources, challenging teens to take a stand for Christ. www.teenmania.org